Identity Crisis: What Will You Allow to Define You?

Any Park & Rec. fans out there? There’s an episode where the ambassador of a foreign country is explaining strict rules and the immediate consequences of them. It’s total satire about doing anything against what the law says and facing the immediate consequence of “Jail… Go to jail!” This hilarious scene reminds me of something that The Lord convicted me of earlier this year and I want to share some steps I’ve personally taken to trust God more deeply concerning my Identity.

Why does this Matter?

The people, places, and things that we are immersed in will affect our view of who we think we should be. And shouldn’t the things that define us be in alignment with how we were created?

I love a good personality test! I do see value in them by the way they help us understand and accept our own personalities as well as others. I know there’s lots of new things out there, but if I Myers Briggs is my personal favorite. Theologically (because I’m a nerd), I view many of these personality tools as God’s common grace (God’s grace given to everyone – regardless of one’s beliefs). They are and can be useful when used through the lens of truth found in the Word of God – the Bible. In other words, discernment is a crucial aspect of understanding our identity. There are many resources that are explicitly against Christ, and then there are some that sound pretty close to Jesus but are not and can be damaging to our souls.

Learning and studying God’s word, through prayer, reliance on the Holy Spirit and inviting like-minded friends to join me has been key to discerning what God says about me. It is possible to learn how to discern the difference between when someone (anyone) says something that they think should or shouldn’t define you based on their own agenda versus God’s. We are none perfect.

This year I’ve taken active steps to cut things out that I let define me over what God says in His word. I’ve unfollowed & muted accounts that constantly push identity that are not clearly based in scripture. I know there’s a lot out there and I cannot speak for what’s best for you in this season, but I can speak what has been best for me.

By God’s grace I’m learning to discern the difference between identity that comes from the Lord and what others say I’m supposed to be. I am not defined by a number, a series of letters, or the stars. I am not defined by mistakes and failures – although there is much to be learned from these. I am not defined by the opinions of others. I am not defined by what I do or what I don’t do. I am not defined by what has happened to me or what I wish would happen to me. And, perhaps the most difficult of all for me is that I am not defined by my own negative thoughts.

The Battle for Identity is the Epic Story of the Fall.

I am convinced that the battle for Identity is a crucial part of our sanctification (sanctification simply put is the process of becoming more like Christ). From the Fall, Satan tempted Adam and Eve with the lie that they were not who they were. Genesis says that Adam and Eve were made in the Image of God. They were made with a purpose to walk with God, to work the earth and make it fruitful. They were already made in God’s Image and yet, the serpent told them they were not who they were. Seeds of doubt were sewn into their minds, seeping into their hearts and rooting in identity of self rather than Identity in God.

The battle for identity is a life-long battle that has existed since the Fall and continues today. This is nothing new. Every generation, every culture, subculture, people who are like you and people who are not like you – everyone battles this whether we are aware of it or not. And this is why I think it’s important to have people in your life who know you and can speak truth in love to you and whom you can do the same.

What about the work?

December last year I noticed that I was heavily relying on a very prominent personality theory that had captivated me and many of my friends. I fervently anticipated these social media posts that I so deeply resonated with. These posts made me feel seen, understood, and even part of something big because so many of my friends were into it. It kills me to admit this: One day I got so impatient and upset waiting for that little cute graphic to tell me who I was – and that’s when I realized I had a bigger problem. I’m not going to mention what it was, or who posted these things because I don’t want to negatively influence something that might be working well for you. I can only speak for myself here. I had to cut out some well-meaning accounts because they were not leading me towards identity in Jesus.

I want to encourage you to be aware about how you allow the influences of others to define you. Are personality tests and ideals useful? Sometimes, yes, I believe they are, however, I cannot allow them authority over the One who has all authority.

By Whose Authority?

Why would I allow anything authority in my life that does not come from God?

There’s a quote from a protestant reformer and pastor from the 1500’s, John Calvin. He describes the hearts of humankind as “Idol-making factories.” Humankind was made for worship by design – we all worship something whether intentionally or unintentionally. When our worship becomes more about the creation than the Creator, we are making an idol out of the creation – we place our faith in things and people that were never meant to fill us and define us while running away from the only One who can. Good and bad things can be idols if we allow them- anything that takes priority in our lives over God has become an idol.

If my identity is shaped by sources that don’t align with Jesus, I need to recognize these sources as idols that have gained authority in my life. Taking deliberate steps, I must reestablish Jesus in His rightful place on the throne of my heart.

I don’t always get it right and I do struggle still struggle but I am learning to be thankful for the growth.

Here are some questions that I find helpful when filtering through identity sources:

  • “Does what I am hearing from others or myself unapologetically align with God’s Word?
  • “Is what I’m hearing life-giving, from the living Word of God, or am I allowing someone else’s personal agenda, opinions, or my own fears to negatively influence me away from living in obedience to God’s word?”
  • “Do the things I am telling myself align with what God, my Creator says about me?”
  • “Are others using their authority or influence to define me without leading me toward discerning what God says in His Word?”
  • ” When I speak to others, am I speaking the truth about their identity in love?”

Working through these questions can be a bit messy. But what I love is the reminder that we are all human who don’t get things right no matter our age, experience, status, or position. We are all imperfect humans challenged to love our perfect God and other imperfect humans.

I am Thankful…

I am thankful that God is good and that he is full of mercy to allow me to recognize when I’m putting things ahead of Him.

I am thankful that I am made in God’s Image.

I am thankful that God is better than cute social media graphics.

Where do we grow from here?

  1. The local Church. If you are not plugged in with other believers, committed to growing in love with God and others, you are missing out on one of the greatest blessings. We are better together. Find a church which is undoubtedly full of messy people just like you and let them speak truth in love to you as you learn to do the same.
  2. Read about Identity in Scripture. There are tons of resources out there. IF you’re looking for a quick one to get started, I’d recommend “Worthy” by The Daily Grace Co. There’s a free five-day version on YouVersion that I am reading through this week.
  3. Prayer. Write a prayer of gratitude to God, thanking Him for how he made you.
  4. Speak truth about Identity in love to your friends, family – anyone in your sphere of influence. This takes discipline to learn but it is worth it!

For the comments section, let’s help each other out:

What scripture, resources, or words of encouragement do you have for others on Identity?

What helps remind you of your identity in Christ?

NEXT UP: Communion and My Favorite Failure

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