I didn’t intend to write a series on grief.
This isn’t what I had planned to share next.
But life rarely goes according to plan, and death certainly doesn’t.
This past week my Grandma passed away on her 90th birthday. I had the privilege to speak at her memorial service where I got to share a little bit about my time with her. I’ve decided to share it with you today.
Here goes…
Hey! I’m Kristina Gaddy, grandma’s second-born grandkid. This week has been extraordinarily difficult. There is not a room in my house that doesn’t have a piece of grandma in it, from her handmade quilts, dresses, costumes, paper cuttings, to her food. I can’t even go to my pantry without looking at my emergency stash of macaroni noodles for her famous mac-n-cheese casserole. That recipe has been the best go-to for potluck dinners. Who am I going to call when the French dip sandwiches don’t cook in the 15 minutes they’re supposed to? Every time I’d call Grandma, she’d just tell me to “just leave them in until the cheese melts.
Memories.
I cherish countless sweet memories from my childhood summers spent on the farm. These were days filled with playing alongside my cousins in the yard, designing chalk houses on the pavement, rollerblading, and relishing sticky watermelon slices on those scorching July afternoons. For nearly every occasion, we’d wear matching or coordinating handmade outfits.
Grandma and Bobby (my grandpa) orchestrated delightful family moments I’ll forever hold dear. Whether it was learning to swing for the first time or riding my first horse, although that was more of a Bobby thing, Grandma consistently ensured we cleaned our hands and removed our boots before heading back into the house.
Their home was a sanctuary for family gatherings, holiday celebrations, and a retreat from our fast-paced daily lives. Being with Grandma and Bobby meant being enveloped in a comforting and loving atmosphere.
Grandma Invited Us to Share Her Joys
When I think of Grandma, I can’t help but remember her as the strict grandma in my mind. This attribute seems to have been passed down through the generations, embraced with pride by all the women in our family, whether by blood or association. It’s interesting to see this same bossy charm radiate in her great-granddaughters now.
However, it wasn’t just about being strict. Grandma’s strictness came from her desire to share her cherished yet “risky” hobbies with us kids. One vivid memory takes me back to Grandma’s pink sewing room, adorned with her handmade bedding and matching curtains. The room echoed with the soft hum of her sewing machines and her ever-watchful guidance: “Sew slower! There is no rush,” she’d say. “Watch your fingers… watch My fingers,” instructing us to follow a specific line and warning us not to sew over a pen. Those were the days when I first tried my hand at sewing, alongside my sister and cousins, creating memories as vivid as if it happened just yesterday.
Not everyone would have a room filled with sewing machines and teach a group of kid-cousins how to sew. But for Grandma, it was an essential part of bonding with us. She didn’t want us to get hurt, and she was determined to teach us the right way so that we could share in her passion safely. Her careful guidance and attention made all the difference; I can’t recall a single incident of sewing over my fingers with the machine.
Once we had mastered the art of sewing, we embarked on another shared journey. We would gather at her house to create quilts for the Linus Project. Grandma and her friends crafted numerous baby quilts, a heartfelt contribution to families whose little ones were in need of special care. These were cherished moments that allowed us to connect through creativity, love, and the joy of giving back to the community.
Grandma was an Avid Learner
Grandma was not just a teacher by profession; she was an insatiable learner throughout her life. This hunger for knowledge was something she shared with Bobby, her beloved husband. Together, they embarked on countless journeys of discovery, setting a shining example for all of us.
Grandma was never content with the status quo. She constantly sought out new skills and crafts to master. Her pursuit of knowledge extended beyond herself; she learned how to care for others in remarkable ways. She made an effort to understand the talents and preferences of those around her and then encouraged us to pursue our passions. Her ability to recognize what made us feel loved and special was a true gift, and she generously shared her hobbies and her love for others.
One remarkable aspect of Grandma’s learning journey was her dedication to studying the Bible. She was always willing to learn alongside others. In fact, I can proudly say that she’s the only person I ever read the Bible with, cover to cover, from start to finish. We embarked on a 90-day reading plan using the Bible App, listening to it while we sewed together. The conversations that stemmed from our reading sessions were invaluable; we both learned new things about scripture from our unique perspectives, and we shared these insights with each other.
What makes this even more remarkable is that Grandma was a little intimidated by technology. Yet, she pushed past her reservations and learned how to use the Bible app, and even texting – where she proved to be quite adept. Her willingness to embrace new technology and ideas was a testament to her open-mindedness and her commitment to personal growth.
Grandma’s dedication to lifelong learning serves as an inspiration to all of us. It’s a reminder that no matter our age or circumstances, there’s always more to explore, more to understand, and more to share with those we love.
Grandma’s Compassion Knew No Bounds
Grandma’s life was marked by selflessness and boundless compassion. She dedicated countless hours to volunteering at the Alzheimer’s Respite care at the Lutheran church, a mission of love that I was fortunate to be a part of during a few summers. I was often the youngest person in the room, but age never mattered when there was a shared commitment to making a difference. Whether it was through crafting or reading, I was eager to lend a hand in any way I could. In fact, I had the privilege of playing the piano and leading songs for those at the center – an opportunity that Grandma thoughtfully opened up for me. Her presence at the respite care was fueled by a profound compassion for others, and it was abundantly clear that she had no ulterior motive beyond giving her time and talents to those in need.
What I cherished most about Grandma and Bobby was how they made me feel respected and valued throughout my life. Considering the considerable age gap between us, that sense of respect was particularly special. As I grew older, I never felt intimidated by them, which is a testament to their warm and welcoming nature. Some of my most cherished moments with Grandma happened during the most challenging season of my life, as my sister Kendra bravely battled cancer and eventually passed away. Both Grandma and Bobby understood the pain of losing a sibling, and during that trying time, they also shared their experiences of losing a grandchild – a hardship they had never faced before. In our shared grief, they provided a safe space for me to express my feelings. They didn’t shy away from their own emotions and instead invited me to join them in that place of vulnerability. This compassionate act was a powerful example of how they had always lived their lives, extending kindness and empathy to others.
Grandma was A Remarkable Friend
Grandma was not just a grandma to her family; she was a beloved friend to many, the best friend you could hope to have. As I look around this room, I see a diverse gathering of people from every season of her life. She had friends who felt more like family, and her family had become friends, seamlessly blending into one another’s lives.
Grandma possessed a remarkable talent for being a friend to those who needed one, whether they were aware of it or not. Her caring nature was always thinking of others, and she often went out of her way to brighten someone’s day. I remember a heartwarming gesture she made just last year when she learned about a woman at the Oaks assisted living facility who was profoundly missing her mother. Without a moment’s hesitation, Grandma asked me to print off a cherished picture for this woman, a simple yet deeply meaningful gift. It was a small act of kindness, but its impact was immeasurable.
I found immense joy in sharing these moments of care with Grandma, and in the process, my own capacity for compassion grew. Witnessing her ability to love and befriend others, no matter how big or small the gesture, left an indelible mark on my heart. Grandma’s spirit of friendship and caring made her an extraordinary presence in the lives of so many, and I am grateful for the lessons she shared with me along the way.
Grandma Loved like Jesus. Her love was first for us, and we learned to love well because of her example.
Grandma had a unique gift—a profound ability to love. Her family stands as a living testament to the depths of her love and the beautiful legacy she leaves behind. To my dear Mom, Aunt Kim, and Uncle Mark, Aunt Cathy, Dad, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for your unwavering care and devotion to Grandma throughout the years. I understand that it was not always an easy journey and that it required personal sacrifices, both big and small. It has been an honor for me to witness the incredible selfless love and boundless compassion you extended to your parents.
In so many ways, I see a beautiful cycle of love within our family. It’s the kind of love that Grandma and Bobby, our beloved grandparents, shared with you—their children—when you needed it most. It reminds me of the love described in the stories of Jesus, a love that continues to be passed down from one generation to the next. The lessons you’ve learned from your parents and instilled in all of us are nothing short of inspiring. My hope is that, as I raise my children, I can carry forward this tradition of love and care in the same way you have.
Grandma had a Personal Influence and a Contagious Spirit
As I reflect on my own life, I recognize the deep and lasting influence that Grandma has had on me. She was the embodiment of caring for others, and she left an indelible mark on my heart. I now find myself seeking ways to care for others just as she did. I aspire to love with the same wholeheartedness and to serve with the same selflessness. Grandma’s qualities were not just admirable; they were contagious.
I am much of who I am today because of this wonderful woman who has passed away.
I am profoundly grateful for the time I had with her, and I cherish the lessons and traits I learned and inherited from her. I am privileged to be one of her grandchildren and to see the pieces of her shining through in all of us. Grandma’s legacy is one of boundless love, compassion, and care, and I am committed to carrying this legacy forward for generations to come.
Happy Birthday, Grandma
On this special day, I want to celebrate what would have been Grandma’s 90th birthday by sharing some thoughts and feelings I’ve held close to my heart. These words have been sitting with me for a while, waiting for the right moment to be shared. While much of what I have said today is a reflection of our time together, I believe it’s important to express these feelings as if I could speak to Grandma directly.
In truth, I find comfort in the knowledge that the sentiments I share today would not have been new to her. I had the privilege of sharing a close and meaningful relationship with Grandma, and I know that she understood how much I cared for her. It brings me great peace to speak these words today, knowing that she knew the depth of my love and appreciation.
“Dear Grandma,
As I reflect on your life and celebrate what would have been your 90th birthday, I want to take a moment to express my deep gratitude for the remarkable person you were. Your impact on my life, as well as the lives of those around you, is immeasurable.
Here are just a few of the things I’m thankful for:
1. Your Wise Counsel: You had a unique way of providing wisdom without imposing your views. Your guidance in making decisions has been invaluable, and your lessons will continue to resonate.
2. Your Welcoming Home: Your house was not just a place; it was a retreat filled with warmth, stocked with delicious snacks, a sanctuary of peace, and a hub of companionship.
3. Your Heart of Service: You’ve shown me, through your own actions, the profound importance of giving back to the community. But you did more than just lead by example; you extended open invitations for all of us to join you in these endeavors.
4. Your Unconditional Love: Your love is boundless. I’ve always felt loved, supported, and unconditionally accepted by you. It’s a love that has shaped my life and continues to inspire me.
5. Your Inclusive Love: The way you embraced and loved every new member of our family, whether by marriage or birth, has been a joy to witness. You love each of us differently, yet with the same, unchanging love.
The 90 years of your life have been a significant blessing to those who have known you. We celebrate not only your time on earth but also your place in Heaven. Your love and memory will forever remain in our hearts.
We love you, Grandma.”
“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Good Grief!
But, grief isn’t really that good, but grief does reveal love – lots of wonderful love. This quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson hits deep. I’ve found comfort in it as I’ve seen and felt it so deeply. It’s hardly been two weeks without someone who has always been just a call, text, or a short drive away. Now, we’ve lost that “someone,” and those of us who remain will continue to live in grief. We grieve not only the great loss of Grandma but also the loss of all the “somethings” she won’t be here for – holidays, growing families, adventures.
I know that I am so much like my grandparents in all the best ways, and I see their influence in so many others. They lived life well and for the glory of God, and I am so thankful for my time with them and for being the granddaughter of Robert “Bobby” and Frances Beach.
For you, dear reader, I have “one” reflection question, as promised:
Who in your life has influenced you the most? How can you share what you have learned from them with others?