We Weren’t Made to Go It Alone: Why the Local Church Isn’t Optional
Part 1: What does it mean to be part of the Body of Christ?
A Note on These Reflections
This series, What does it mean to be part of the Body of Christ?, started as a professional reflection for Mended Therapy Group. But as I sat with it, I realized I wanted to speak more pointedly – from my heart to yours.
Writing personally feels different than writing professionally; it’s more raw. My goal is to keep these as bite-sized blog pieces with added depth. I want to take big concepts and break them down into something you can actually use. The purpose isn’t just to give you information, it’s to get you thinking about your life, your faith, and where the two meet in the mess of the real world.
The “Safer” Choice
Let me just say this: there’s a big difference in being at church and being in the Church. Being at church is mere attendance – consuming what’s there and not giving anything in return. Which is actually a shame because you, being made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), have much to give.
Back in my seminary days, this one hit hard for me. Let me be honest with you. I was a SEMINARY student, learning what it was like not just to do ministry but specifically to learn to lead ministry in the local church. I had grown up in church, gone on mission trips, been on staff, led worship, taught Bible classes, spoke at churches, and was affirmed for ministry by my spiritual leaders. I even had financial support to pursue ministry at such a high capacity, and I was still missing the biggest part about being in the church… the being part, to put it simply.
I always joke that I was the worst church member. I knew how to lead, fill gaps, and teach, but the distant simplicity of being was too much work. Too much vulnerability. Too much me.
And I don’t mean that in some “holy” way. It was self-erasure, which isn’t holy at all. (Have you been there? Are you there now?) It was the denial of self to the point where the self was so incredibly distant. I was a professional leader without truly knowing how to be. I had the prayer life, the sacred journal, the Bible study, and the outside support. But inside. I was hiding behind all of the roles I’ve filled because roles are safe. Roles never required me to truly to be seen; they only required me to be useful.
Let me say this again for my friends who are leading in ministry: your role does not require you to be seen, it requires you to be useful.. Being seen is much deeper: Your humanity requires you to be seen. As you lead, remember you too are part of the very flock under your care and discerningly allow people within your church to lovingly use their gifts to care for you too.
No Ghosts in the Pew
Here I was, at a church. A thriving local church. I had no role but “member.” Not “the pastor’s daughter”, not the “youth Minister”, not the “missionary,” not even the “seminary student” we were a dime a dozen in that church. Just me… and I had never been there in a church before. It was terrifying, exposing, and lovely all at once.
I didn’t know what to do, my posture of being in the church had hardly been formed. I didn’t much like the idea of being held accountable. I didn’t want to serve in whatever ministry of the church needed my time. My desire to belong to a church was limited by my own understanding, my own experiences, and my own limitations.
It was not God’s plan for me to stay that way, and I am so grateful for the shepherding care of my friends and ministry leaders. Who instead of letting me attend, consume, and never give, called me up to deep holy care.
The day after I had finally committed to my new church, my small group leader let me in on something incredibly shocking. And honestly it has stuck with me ever since. He said something along the lines of : “I’m glad you signed the church covenant, because I was soon going to have a conversation with you to commit to our church or go somewhere else.”
Look: I know that’s probably shocking and in my opinion, these conversations are not had nearly enough. But, it was the heart-felt call-up that I needed, you see he was not asking me to just leave. He spoke with a holy desire for me to belong. Essentially:
“Join the care of this church, contribute and receive the care, be part of this local church, or stop coming here and consider going somewhere where you can.”
And if I could be honest with you who may be attending a church, not committed, not belonging? I’d say the same thing. It’s love—a rare type of familial love, discerning love. There’s no match for it. It’s the kind of love that says, “ I see you running away and in all different directions, I love you, I care for you. Run with us, we’ll have each other’s back. Imperfectly, but chasing our perfect savior, together.”
Genuinely, who wouldn’t want to hear something like that?!
Carried by the Body
What unfolded from that commitment was the single worst season of my life. This was the same church – the same people – I belonged to while my sister battled cancer and passed away. You can read the raw details of that story here.
Even when I tried to keep my distance, the church was just what I needed. Because I had chosen to be part of the local body of Christ, I didn’t have to walk through the fire alone. I didn’t just consume or perform church: I was carried by it.
Since we aren’t consumers in church, I’ve had to ask myself: What did I have to give back then? Honestly, it didn’t feel like much. I felt like a burden, not a blessing. My “gift” wasn’t a heart of serving on a team (which I did do, reluctantly); it was simply being.
It was a scary, vulnerable example of wrestling through obedient steps toward love and forgiveness with my sister. I wouldn’t have chosen that path on my own, but I had people who chose to love me through it and point me to Jesus, and He led me. I needed my church family to help me see. To ignore that need would’ve been blatant disobedience and contrary to the core of our human nature. And, I don’t know about you, but when I’m running from God and who I am in Him, it’s holistically unhealthy for me.
Bridging the Gap
Now that you’ve heard some of my story, let’s bridge some gaps together. Over the years, I’ve heard the same old questions from my time in ministry, biblical counseling, and personally: “Why do I need to be in the church?” “What does it even mean to be in the body of Christ?” “Can’t I just do it all on my own?”
There’s a plethora of underlying reasons why we ask these things. I want to touch on the ones I’ve noticed the most often.
1. Church Hurt
Let’s address the elephant in the room. Church hurt is real. There is an actual “Religious Trauma Syndrome” that real-deal clinical counselors use to help individuals grow in health. Deconstructing what you were taught is neither “sexy” nor rebellion. These experiences should always be taken seriously – never ignored, never downplayed, but guided with care and discernment. Church leaders, meet people where they are, guide them where they can be in Christ – always truth in love.
2. Unmet Expectations and Broken Trust
Honestly, if you’re asking these questions, you’re probably doubtful of the Church and how it’s even supposed to work. I get it. Maybe you’ve been distanced by deep hurt, unmet expectations, or trust that was snapped in half. Maybe nobody ever actually showed you why the Church matters beyond a Sunday morning obligation.
For some of us, it’s shame or fear that keeps us behind a deadbolt. For others, it’s just the total exhaustion of not knowing where to go or who to trust. Whether you’re on the outside looking in or sitting in a pew feeling like a ghost – that wall is real. It’s heavy. And it deserves to be acknowledged before we try to climb over it.
3. The Myth of Self-Sufficiency
We think if we can just “fix” ourselves first, we’ll be ready for community. But the list of reasons to stay isolated is as long as the list of our own imperfections. Trying to survive on self-sufficiency is a losing game. If you read even a few pages of Scripture, you’ll see it:
- The Garden (Genesis 2): Before sin even entered the world—when everything was still “perfect” God looked at man and said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Think about that. Even in a perfect relationship with God, we were designed to need other people.
- The Wilderness (Exodus 18): Moses tried the “I’ll do it all myself” route until his father-in-law told him he was going to burn out. He was told, “The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.”
- The Church Body (1 Corinthians 12): By the time we get to Paul, he’s comparing us to a body. An eye can’t just decide to go be an eye in a jar. It needs the hand, and the hand needs the feet.
From the earliest breath in Genesis to the messy, first-century gatherings in Acts, the pattern is clear: God never designed us to follow Him in isolation. The people of God need one another to grow, to endure the hard seasons, and to actually carry the gospel into the world. You weren’t made to be a solo act.
The Function: The “One Anothers”
Scripture tells us that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).
But notice: none of that is designed to be done alone…. Can you imagine trying to “one another” alone? You can’t. To think it can be done is foolish and to ignore it is disobedience. You can’t love a neighbor you don’t have, and you can’t be “corrected” by a mirror. Over and over again, the Bible calls us clearly to community:
- Love one another (John 13:34)
- Bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
- Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
- Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32)
- Serve one another (1 Peter 4:10)
You simply cannot live these out without community. Period. To know God, to follow Jesus as Savior, and to walk with the Holy Spirit is to live in such a way that you are both known by and knowing others in the local church body.
Why Does the Local Church Matter to Us?
The church is not perfect—it’s full of imperfect, funky people. But it is God’s chosen way of revealing His love to the world. The body of Christ needs all its parts, including you. When we live as God designed—rooted in His Word, guided by His Spirit, and committed to one another—we display His goodness to a watching world.
Being the Church means stepping into the design we were created for: to know God deeply, to be known by His people, and to reflect His love in such a way that others are drawn to “come and see.”
I myself have gone through many of those things. Honestly, I am still healing from experiences in ways that I hope are making me a wiser disciple of Jesus. If you can relate, let me say that this is the key:
Nothing man-made can ever compare with the Creator. Know Jesus through His word, past your traditions and prejudices. He is a real person. His Spirit is present – don’t ignore it. And if you are in harm’s way, leave and find a local body of believers who will care for you – truly care for you – because we were never designed to run in the funk alone. You’ve seen what grieves the Spirit of the Living God, be salt and light.
Coming in Part 2: Attentive Love Now that we know why we need the Body, the next question is: How do we find a healthy one? In the next post, we’ll move from the Why to the How. We’ll look at Attentive Love—the art of discerning a healthy church home. We’ll talk about what “holy stewardship” looks like in leadership and how to find a community where you can actually be known, not just managed.
